16

I don't quite understand why it just made me react the way that I did, but I just read that my best friend might be smoking weed now. She drinks again, and parties now, and she's doing it all without me. I didn't learn any of this was happening until after. Now she's planning on going to her first rave, and I doubt that she'll even tell me, so I won't even be there to experience it with her. My hands are shaking and my whole body feels weak. I got light headed and my adrenaline started to pump with anger and sadness. I miss her being a part of my life. I miss being important to her and being someone she can count on. She's the only person in my life that I've ever had so much trouble just letting go a little. It hurts to see her living her life and I can't be a part of it. I'm jealous of everyone she's friends with, and I hate every girl I see her in a picture with. It sounds like I'm in love with her, and it's stupid. I just miss her.. She was the one person who connected with me better than anyone and was the one person who I thought would never leave me, and she did. Everyone always leaves. Every best friend I've ever had always leaves. Anyone I let in..

This is bullshit. I feel like I'm going to be sick.